ST: Embrace those who are different from you (June 1)

June 1, 2008
Embrace those who are different from you
In this fortnightly column on life issues, veteran psychotherapist Anthony Yeo talks about accepting differences in people

By Anthony Yeo, Life Lines

I watched Wilde, the movie portraying a part of Oscar Wilde's lifestyle, and left feeling sad and discomfited.

The Wilde I had adored for his literary prowess and inimitable wit was in his time admired for his unique literary style and talent. His plays performed to sell-out audiences and were received with standing ovations at a time when Victorian England was characterised by reserved and restrained patrons of the arts.

Unfortunately he was condemned to hard labour in prison, dying a pauper's death all because he was found guilty for having engaged in same-sex relationships.

Wilde was 'loved for being unique, hated for being different', suffering the ignominy of being criminalised because of his different sexual orientation.
As I ponder over the treatment meted to Wilde, my mind and heart goes out to the way the world treats those who are different even though they are humans just like everyone else.

We tend to discriminate against those who do not match up to what is considered normal. It is so difficult to accept people for who they are, for the gifts and attributes that they bring to the world.

Then I wonder about the many in our world who feel stigmatised, marginalised or ostracised all because of their status, station in life or lifestyle preference.
They may not necessarily suffer the same fate as Wilde, but I am familiar with many who prefer to remain closeted, keeping from people the fact that they are HIV-Aids infected, inflicted with mental illness, incapacitated by intellectual and physical disabilities or have been to prison.

Even those who are divorced or widowed prefer to avoid disclosing their status, afraid to be regarded as an oddity in life. Divorced or widowed people feel stigmatised too.

Sometimes it is heart- wrenching to journey with such people in their struggle for acceptance. Somehow they feel they do not belong to the mainstream of life despite our declaration that we regard all to be equal.

I also observe that the family seems to be one major arena where children experience the most rejection because of their differences.

Parents naturally prefer children who fit their image of what and how a child should be. They wish their children would possess qualities such as intellectual capability, good appearance and ability to perform at school.
If the children do not measure up to expectations, they are often made to feel useless, hopeless, inadequate, inferior or deficient.

They grow up feeling like they do not belong in the family because they are not like their siblings or have failed to live up to their parents' expectations.
All too often they end up as adults with a poor sense of self-worth, feeling rejected and discriminated against.

Yet children never asked to be born and must surely have the inherent right to be accepted for who they are. This goes for all others who may be like Oscar Wilde.

If only we can acknowledge that no matter how different people may be from the rest of us, we must embrace them as people just like us.

FCC Service on 27 Jan, 1030am

SUNDAY SERVICE (ENGLISH)
27 Jan 2008 (Sun) - 10.30am

FCC Main Hall
56 Geylang Lor 23
Level 3, Century Technology Building
All are welcome!

Speaker
ANTHONY YEO
Transformation Series
- From Solitude to Community
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _____

Worship Leader - GARY CHAN
Vocals - GORDON TAN, KENNY ONG
Keyboards - VICTOR LEE
Guitars - NATHAN GUO
Cello - WILLY YEO
Drums - JIMMY TAN
Sound - LUO QING LONG
Video - YAP FOO KEONG
Prayer - JAMIE LOW
Communion - KENG HOCK
Service Pastor - SUSAN TANG

Free Community Church: Sermon by Anthony Yeo (Dec 2)

SUNDAY SERVICE (ENGLISH)
2 Dec 2007 (Sun) - 10.30am
All are welcome!

BRAND NEW LOCATION!
FCC Main Hall
56 Geylang Lor 23
Level 3, Century Technology Building


Speaker
ANTHONY YEO
Transformation Series

Worship Leader - WAILING LIONG
Keyboards - GARY CHAN, VICTOR LEE
Vocals - SEAN LEE, VERON TAN, ELSIN SEOW
Guitars - KELVIN NG
Drums - JINYU TANG
Sound - QING LONG LUO
Video - FOO KEONG YAP
Prayer - DAN LOH
Communion - KENG HOCK PWEE
Service Pastor - SUSAN TANG

In commemoration of WORLD AIDS DAY, please do come to church wearing RED this weekend!

TimeOut Singapore: Report (May 10)

On 10 May, about 250 people crowded into a ballroom at the Amara Hotel. They weren’t waiting for a celebrity appearance or even donuts; they were there for a forum titled ‘Christian Perspectives on Homosexuality and Pastoral Care’.

On the drawing board since before Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew’s comments about decriminalising homosexuality, the talk was organised by Safehaven, a ministry of the Free Community Church. ‘I wanted to put theologians together to present the “for” and “against” perspectives in one setting,’ says Alphonsus Lee, one of the organisers. But as moderator Augustine Anthuvan of MediaCorp Radio reiterated several times, the event was not intended to be a debate, but rather an opportunity to open a dialogue.

Dr Tan Kim Huat, a professor of the New Testament at Trinity Theological College, addressed the varied interpretations of Biblical passages on the issue. Anthony Yeo, consultant therapist for the Counselling and Care Centre, discussed the social and religious challenges he’s seen his patients face, concluding that gays and bisexuals ‘don’t need persecution from the Church; they have enough struggles of their own’.

The panelist who got the most [fb02] ack from the largely partisan audience was Edmund Smith, pastor of Real Love Ministry in Malaysia. Mr Smith describes himself as an ‘ex-gay’. Several times throughout the night, he emphasised that although he gave up the ‘gay lifestyle’ and considers homosexuality a sin, neither he nor his ministry is anti-gay. Nevertheless, many of the audience’s questions were aimed his way, which led him to comment: ‘I was gay from age 13 to 24 and I was never gay-bashed. But I’ve been bashed the most as an ex-gay – by the pro-gays.’

On the other end of the popularity spectrum was Rev Dr Yap Kim Hao, who earned applause when he pointed out: ‘Jesus Christ forbids divorce, but many Christians have divorced. What makes one so much a greater sin that the other? Especially when Jesus Christ never mentioned homosexuality but explicitly condemns divorce?’ He also got the most laughs, after arguing against the idea that one makes a conscious decision to become homosexual. ‘Who in their right mind would choose to be gay, when they’d be relegated to a small, despised minority?’

As Mr Anthusan predicted, attendees on both sides of the issue probably left with more questions than answers. But there were at least two conclusions reached by the panelists that night: [fb01] rst, that it is important not to lose sight of the fact that this discussion is about people more than issues; secondly, that dialogue is an end in itself, and a positive one at that. In fact, organiser Lee is already considering holding another discussion. More info at www.oursafehaven.com.

by Billie Cohen