ST: Embrace those who are different from you (June 1)

June 1, 2008
Embrace those who are different from you
In this fortnightly column on life issues, veteran psychotherapist Anthony Yeo talks about accepting differences in people

By Anthony Yeo, Life Lines

I watched Wilde, the movie portraying a part of Oscar Wilde's lifestyle, and left feeling sad and discomfited.

The Wilde I had adored for his literary prowess and inimitable wit was in his time admired for his unique literary style and talent. His plays performed to sell-out audiences and were received with standing ovations at a time when Victorian England was characterised by reserved and restrained patrons of the arts.

Unfortunately he was condemned to hard labour in prison, dying a pauper's death all because he was found guilty for having engaged in same-sex relationships.

Wilde was 'loved for being unique, hated for being different', suffering the ignominy of being criminalised because of his different sexual orientation.
As I ponder over the treatment meted to Wilde, my mind and heart goes out to the way the world treats those who are different even though they are humans just like everyone else.

We tend to discriminate against those who do not match up to what is considered normal. It is so difficult to accept people for who they are, for the gifts and attributes that they bring to the world.

Then I wonder about the many in our world who feel stigmatised, marginalised or ostracised all because of their status, station in life or lifestyle preference.
They may not necessarily suffer the same fate as Wilde, but I am familiar with many who prefer to remain closeted, keeping from people the fact that they are HIV-Aids infected, inflicted with mental illness, incapacitated by intellectual and physical disabilities or have been to prison.

Even those who are divorced or widowed prefer to avoid disclosing their status, afraid to be regarded as an oddity in life. Divorced or widowed people feel stigmatised too.

Sometimes it is heart- wrenching to journey with such people in their struggle for acceptance. Somehow they feel they do not belong to the mainstream of life despite our declaration that we regard all to be equal.

I also observe that the family seems to be one major arena where children experience the most rejection because of their differences.

Parents naturally prefer children who fit their image of what and how a child should be. They wish their children would possess qualities such as intellectual capability, good appearance and ability to perform at school.
If the children do not measure up to expectations, they are often made to feel useless, hopeless, inadequate, inferior or deficient.

They grow up feeling like they do not belong in the family because they are not like their siblings or have failed to live up to their parents' expectations.
All too often they end up as adults with a poor sense of self-worth, feeling rejected and discriminated against.

Yet children never asked to be born and must surely have the inherent right to be accepted for who they are. This goes for all others who may be like Oscar Wilde.

If only we can acknowledge that no matter how different people may be from the rest of us, we must embrace them as people just like us.

Fridae.com: "Wilde" Fundraising Gala Premiere in support of Indignation (May 13)

Fridae.com, in support of Indignation 2008, is organising the
Singapore premiere of the film "Wilde" on May 13, 2008 at Lido
Cineplex.

As most of you may already know (and have attended the events since
2005), Indignation is Singapore's annual gay pride season will be held
in August this year and comprise talks, art exhibitions, readings of
plays and poetry, and some other social events.

Banned a decade ago in Singapore, the movie "Wilde" (1997) depicts the
rise and fall of the widely known gay Irish-born playwright, Oscar
Wilde. Wilde (played by Stephen Fry) is known for his plays including
Lady Windermere's Fan and The Importance of Being Earnest, are now
classics. Then-newcomer Jude Law plays his lover Lord Alfred Douglas
who wrote the poem, Two Loves, from where the phrase "the love that
dare not speak its name" originated.

Even as Wilde enjoyed his celebrity status, he was madly in love with
a succession of young men, at a time when the law against "gross
indecency" had only recently been passed by Parliament. This law was
the precursor of Singapore's infamous Section 377A. When Wilde was
convicted (and jailed for 2 years) under this law in 1895, it was a
huge scandal and his conviction made him a martyr to the hypocrisy and
persecution represented by such a law.

Why you should support the screening?
Fridae is donating its services in organising this event. Net proceeds
will benefit Indignation where the majority of its events are open to
the public and are traditionally free of charge, in order to be
accessible to everyone.

Fridae, Shaw and Crocodile co-present
The Wilde Indignation Fundraising Gala Premiere (R21)
Date: May 13, Tuesday
Time: 9pm (Reception from 8pm for VIP ticket holders)
Venue: Lido 2, Shaw House, 350 Orchard Road

Tickets are priced at S$20 and S$50 (which includes a reception) are
available on www.fridae.com/wilde. Donations will be accepted online
and at the door.

For info:
wilde fundraiser on may 13 to benefit singapore gay pride festival
http://www.fridae.com/newsfeatures/article.php?articleid=2217&viewarticle=1

oscar wilde - the most celebrated victim of an anti-gay law
http://www.fridae.com/newsfeatures/article.php?articleid=2218&viewarticle=1